Smashing Trash

        Yesterday I saw this really cool machine at Walgreens. You put trash bags in it and it smashes them down so you can fit more garbage in the can. It is efficient and saves the company money on trash disposal services. But my first thought after, "Wow, that's awesome!" was about how messy the inside of that fancy machine must get. Commercial-use trash bags are not known for their durability. I've seen them tear very easily. I pictured nasty bits of food and goo getting squeezed out of their pitiful bags and stinking up the inside of the can. What seems to be handy and efficient at first glance can get really yucky without the proper care.

This is how I am with my emotions. I have stuffed and packed and stuffed and packed so much inside that I don't even remember all of what is in there. But I know when it starts to stink and it is time to empty the receptacle. It's great to be able to tuck something away and crush it to oblivion in the dark corners of your mind--it's just not healthy to do that continually. Over the past several months it has been easier for me to pull those emotions out and say what I'm thinking and feeling. Maybe it's because that garbage machine is full and the trash is easily accessible at the top. Maybe I've gotten better at not relying on the crusher so much. Ultimately, it is both of these things, because I have grown.

Have you ever taken the lid off of a trash can, gotten a whiff of its contents, and been able to guess what's inside based on a specific odor? Like you don't know specifically what's in there, but you know it is something containing eggs or meat or onions? Well, I have gotten a whiff of what is inside myself and it's not pleasant. I smell a load of anger.. I may not know all the sources of my anger without further inspection, but I know it is there. I've been tossing little bits of it so often that I easily forget just how much of it is in there. But anger doesn't empty easily. It sticks to everything else in my mind, and the walls of the trash can. The bag in my trash crusher is broken and is releasing some putrid stuff.

When you wait too long to clean something up, it can be unrecognizable. It takes a lot of effort to get the job done. Throughout various jobs I  have had to scrape some calcified or sticky substance off a surface, and I've taken injuries to do it. The cleanup became painful because something that was never meant to be there was allowed to stay and settle in. The same is true of emotional trash. It's always going to be unpleasant to address. However, old messes can be more painful to clean up than fresh ones. So take care of your trash before it takes root and causes a big stink.. Even if you are nose-blind to it, other people will notice the smell.

By the way, I still think the machine is awesome. This is compounded (see what I did there?) by the fact that I was going to write about emotional suppression yesterday anyway. The garbage crusher just gave me a great metaphor.

With peace and love,
Shep