Ambiguous Loss

        You can "lose" someone in so many ways. We primarily think of losing someone through death. However, you can lose relationships because of marriages/other relationships, a breach of trust, a geographical move and so much more. A relationship can change so drastically in an instant that it is not recognizable to either party. This kind of change is like a nonphysical death. You lose the person in the sense that your relationship is not on the level it once was. This is so incredibly painful.
       In physical death you at least know there is no more earthly potential or opportunity for relationship. You will miss the person but you have lost them due to uncontrollable factors. The death of a relationship, though, is so difficult because the person is still there. You have all the memories of your time with them and you are left with the feelings, but you know that things will never be the same. You want to believe that you and the other person will be redeemed and things will be restored, but you recognize that things are complicated and it's not as simple as moving on.
      We hear it said that people will come into our lives and we don't know how much time we have with them. It may be a day, a month, several years, or decades. We can find hope in believing that we encountered those people for some reason, and that their presence in our lives wasn't for naught. Every person has the opportunity to leave their mark on another. The idea of passing relationships is okay until you actually have to see the door close behind someone on their way out of your life, especially if it's someone with whom you formed a significant bond. Considering that we know the evanescence, the temporary state of things in this world, we have to wonder why we let that person get so close. How could someone have had your heart so completely that when they went away you were destroyed?
     I liken it to an earthquake. You may know you are on a fault line, and you know there could be a quake at any time, but you aren't really ready for one. You don't live in a state of expectation. When the quake hits, you are shaken to the core. After the initial shock you look around to see the pieces of your heart strewn about like the objects flung out of cabinets and off the walls. You seem to have time to assess the situation and pick up the debris but then the aftershocks begin. Just when you start to get things together and recovery is on its way, your foundation is shaken yet again.
    While I was reading the book of Hebrews, I was reminded of how I should handle my earthquakes. It is so easy to get prideful. I struggle with wanting to handle things on my own and I send God an invitation when the party is already in swing. The fact is, I'm not able to handle storms on my own. I know this. When I am struggling, I draw strength from the fact that I have a Savior walking beside me through it. I rest in the fact that whether high or low, I'm on a journey that is God-inspired. He has a way to use my circumstances for His glory. Jesus is with me whether I ask him to be or not. I do have to remember to acknowledge him and invite him to actually walk with me. Though I find comfort in the idea of God, I know this isn't enough. I have to really seek Him in times of trouble, which means praying early(and often) and going to Scripture to fortify myself before I start to think I don't need God.
    I know the reality of aftershocks. They can continue long after forgiveness has been extended or your situation stops controlling you. Pain can always creep in because there is a fault line there. Earthquakes may crack your foundation, which is why it is so important to draw from God's strength. Go to Him early on, and continually, to patch your foundation and keep it strong.
      Hebrews also gave me multiple reminders that Jesus experienced everything that we do. He definitely experienced the painful shock of separation from the one closest to him--God the Father. Jesus normally felt one with God, but he came to know the separation from God that is our constant reality. Jesus had unity with his Father until the moment that sin was upon him. The disparity between [oneness with God] and [exile through sin] that Jesus experienced was a far greater division than any separation we will ever know in our earthly relationships. 
   The bottom line is that human relationships are broken. You are allowed to grieve when you lose someone you love. But the story doesn't end there. Pick up your heart and give it to the One who made it. He will brush it off and give it back a little stronger than it was before. Now I'm not saying to just walk away when someone hurts you. That is usually not God's will. Follow His instructions for godly restoration and reconciliation and let Him heal your heart. Things may look very different but they can still be good.


I hope this helps you, my friends
Shep

Old thoughts in poetry form?

When I say this love within me is something You should handle
For I have not the power or the strength
You tell me that this love is the very thing that sets me apart and helps me draw near to You
Because You understand it best

God's heart in my human body
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Only your strength holds me together when I'm falling apart
When I have the fragments of my life whirling around like a tornado
You have every piece in its place
Try as I might I can't figure this out
I keep putting the pieces where they aren't supposed to go
You already have the puzzle glued together

 I am chaos and you are peace

I want to rest in the haven of your hand soft and warm
And leave the cold and lonely realms of the world that is my own
I play with fires that burn to mar and disfigure
But your fires burn away the impurities and all that does not need to be
I wrestle with sins that have long been forgiven
Then You spread a covering of peace over me

I am chaos and you are peace