Isn't life ironic? People always tell us to live our lives to the fullest. Live in the moment. Don't let opportunities pass you by because you don't know when or if they will come again. People also say to trust your instincts and listen to your gut.

What do you do when your gut and brain oppose each other? That happened to me tonight. I was invited to join some friends from college for a game night, but my car has been acting funny this week. I had a feeling I should not go. Earlier this week, I had the same feeling but took my car on a longer trip anyway. Besides not trusting my car, I was hesitant to go out because of something that happened last week and I just didn't feel like it after work.

I know myself---I know that when I don't feel like going out and being social, I am (almost) always glad after I do. I thought of all the good times I have had with my friends. I mean, these are the people that allow me to be my crazy self and embrace it. They see sides of me that I wish others could see. So I, being a very experience-driven person, told my gut to shut up. If anyone should know about trusting that niggling feeling, it's me. I've learned the hard way plenty of times. Women are especially nifty with "gut." So you would think I would trust it. I couldn't. I wanted to make the most of my time with friends because I don't know how long we're all going to be in this area. Some of us have already moved. I thought to myself, 'Who knows when this opportunity will come again? This is not like Volleyball Tuesday, Small Group Thursday, or Sunday church. This isn't going to happen again next week. It might not happen next month, or even this year.'

I was going to get to that game night. I was hoping that I would find the place. I was hoping I would find a parking spot. I was hoping that my car would get me there and back home. My car had other ideas. It just shut off in D.C, oblivious to the traffic it was blocking. Some gentlemen were nice enough to push me to the side of the road while their ladies were standing there laughing and shouting 'tow truck! tow truck!.' I had to ignore them because I wanted to get out and betch-slap them, but hey, what's a little more humiliation?

I never made it to game night. Apparently I was in a lose-lose situation. I kept telling myself that I should trust my instincts but I can't regret my decision. Whether I went with my brain or my gut, I was not going to see my friends tonight. Beating myself up over it won't help. Now it is time to wait for something amazing to happen so I have a cool story to tell. Peace


Shep

Soul Submersion

First of all, welcome to my blog! I've had this thing set up since April, but this is my first real entry. Sad story, I know, but I'm working on it. This is a little something I wrote in the spring of 2009. Recently I had been thinking about this piece that I wrote, wondering which notebook or notepad contained my precious thoughts. I don't keep a strict journal or anything, I just write sporadically in whatever book is available. On Friday I went to Panera to study with a friend. As I was flipping through my notebook, I found what I was looking for! Ever since I read it again I have been feeling an increasing urgency to post it, so here goes. Comments and questions are always welcome.

You don't bother to investigate beyond the visible surface. You stick to what is comfortable, and though your hands and feet may swirl through the depths, you fear plunging your head beneath the surface. For then you will be completely surrounded and the pressure will build, closing in on you. Pressure to explore the depths of your own soul. You are fearful of finding out that your depths are just a vast, dry canyon instead of a rich, deep quarry. We see the tumbleweeds, things with no substance or purpose, blowing around on the desert floor of the canyon. In the quarry, however, beautiful rocks and sparkling water reflect fortitude and strength.

Maybe the surface looks murky brown from the outside. You cannot see through it. Beyond the translucent may lie dangerous things. If you venture too far you may be bitten. Bitten by love, taken by something that you longed for and so wanted to find. You are curious to see the things underneath, to put a name to them and grab hold, but fear overrides your curiosity. Those things might hurt you or make you uncomfortable. They might challenge you to do something bold or different.

Plunge. Dive. Do not be afraid. Though the depths may pull you under and toss you around, you will break the surface again. Just when you think you have had too much and you begin to panic, out of control, your legs and arms move and you feel an upward push. The depths release you. As you rise from the water and breathe the air, you realize that playing at the top and skimming the surface is not enough. You can barely resist taking another dive, if you can resist at all, because you have been set free.


Shine on my friends

Shep